9/11 Reflection: The Cost

I know today is somber, but there’s something important I’ve been thinking about that I wanted to share.

It All Changed

On 9/11, I was right at the cusp of an exciting new chapter in my life. I was young and enthusiastic about life, three months into a 10-month military schooling program and eagerly preparing for my first assignment overseas in South Korea.

That morning, precisely around 9 a.m., I was getting ready for class when I watched the morning news in horror as the planes crashed, almost as if in slow motion, into the World Trade Center.

I was shocked. So much so that I remember thinking: Is this a movie?

As I watched devastated, by the loss of life and extraordinary bravery on display, everything felt deeply disorienting and surreal. And almost immediately, I wondered: What does this mean for us? By the end of that morning, I knew.

As I made my way to class and walked into the classroom, our instructor immediately gave us instructions:

“We are now at the highest threat level. The base has been locked down. Remain indoors. Avoid going outside the base.”

Then, after giving us the instructions, he offered a prediction:

“Ladies and gentlemen, this now means we’re going to war. Get ready….”

The statement sent chills down my spine. But I knew it to be true.

The Long Hard Years

For many difficult years afterward, the U.S. military (including me and much of the world) would become caught in a seemingly never-ending cycle: deployment, return to civilian life, deployment, return to civilian life. Over and over and over again.

Some of us endured violent deployments in harsh environments. Others served in places that were less chaotic but no less dangerous. Some of us endured long tours; others, shorter ones. Some never came back.

And everyone who did return, came back changed in some way — many of us came back broken and wounded in ways that weren’t always visible.

Many Soldiers and their families paid a steep price for war. And that’s what I want us to remember:

The attacks of 9/11 didn’t just devastate victim families that day. In time, they also plunged thousands more families into years of trauma, violence and chaos they never would’ve signed up for. Which still for some, persist in some form today — sometimes visible, sometimes invisible, but still there. But this post isn’t meant to rehash the past. It’s meant to look forward, in acknowledging something we often forget: The cost.

The Cost

There’s a quote I love from Ralph Bunche:

None can speak more eloquently for peace than those who have fought in war.

I think none can speak more eloquently for peace than those who fought the war — not necessarily on the front lines, but behind the scenes, at home.

Because people often forget that war can be traumatizing for those who stay behind, too.

For the spouses who wait. For the parents who worry. For the children who grow up wondering when their mother or father will come home.

And for the families who welcome their loved one home. Elation is sometimes quickly replaced by fear when they discover that the person who left isn’t quite the person who returned. Sometimes we came home angry. Disconnected. Haunted. Hardened. The spark for life — gone.

And there is no simple return to what was. Something was lost. And the grief was real, for what should’ve been.

Our Choice To Remember

Freedom is free. Everyone is entitled to it. But how we choose to secure and defend it, is up to us.

And when we choose war over other paths, we lose something of ourselves in the process. Someone always pays the price: those who fight, those who wait at home, those who return, and those who love them.

As we remember 9/11 and the lives lost, I hope we remember that choice. I hope we remember that we still have a choice. Especially as we move into this next era, that will ask us often to consider the cost.

We are caretakers of each other’s humanity. And we should remember exactly who bears the burden when we choose violence — whether they volunteered for it or not, whether the other side deserves it or not. Consider what we’re prepared to lose.

It’s true that sometimes we have to fight back. But it’s how we do it that matters most.

I was young when I watched the world change, as I changed. I watched as we grieved and our dreams changed. And as my dreams disappeared — as I lost pieces of myself along the way and worked for years, to bring them back together again.

I hope we never again lose sight of our humanity, or the very human cost of war.

🤍~C