Finding Your Steady (Substack Writings)

In moments of great turmoil, change, transition, loss, or even joy, where do you find your steady?

Steadiness is 

Steadiness is all around us in constant motion. It’s the steady, gradual change of seasons: fall, winter, spring, summer, it’s the steady flow of water through the creek behind your house, it’s the continuity of life and growth from baby to adult. None of these things are static. All of them are steady. And we need that kind of moving-forward steadiness to continue with life.

But what happens when turmoil arrives? When loss, heartbreak, or massive change disrupts our rhythm so completely that we find ourselves stuck — in the moment, in the circumstance, in the grief itself and we find it hard to move again?

Steadiness within Turmoil

Years ago, heading into one of the most difficult seasons of my life, far from home and everyone I loved, I knew I was about to face an extraordinary amount of stress and danger. So, I brought something unexpected with me. My small music keyboard (my Akai Mini MPK). A music keyboard you say? Let me explain.

I adore music. Not just love it — it’s a part of me. Music speaks to me in unique, soulful ways, it lifts my spirits, and most importantly, keeps me steady. Even when my inner or outer world is in turmoil, music reaches me in ways nothing else can. And far from home, far from everyone I love, that’s where I started. Every night I’d sit in my little containerized living area with my music, and find the ground and the hope beneath my feet and steady myself again. And every morning I’d walk back out into the circumstances and show up, able to function the way I needed to. Eventually the inventory grew: my community of extraordinary peers living the challenges with me, the incredible desert beauty all around me especially at night, my own fitness and health, but music remained the anchor I returned to when my inner world felt most turbulent or chaotic.

Steadiness — Motion Beyond Stillness

That is what finding your steady is. It’s the way you find continuity, stability, centeredness and connection within yourself even when times are difficult. And it’s something we rarely explore ahead of challenging times. Understandably so. We’re not taught how to maintain inner steadiness, only told to keep going, without being shown how. So we reach for whatever is closest, and often that means over-relying on the world around us, even the people we love most who make up our comfort zone. And while leaning on others is real and necessary, this is ultimately an inside job.

Our loved ones are real and precious sources of steadiness and support. But I’ve learned they can’t be the only ones. They have their own paths, their own weight to carry. And if we place our entire steadiness on any one person, even the people who love us most, we risk adding weight to a loved one who is also doing their own growing and also navigating their own unsteady seasons. The more expansive and compassionate option for all, is to build an inventory of what keeps you steady, one that goes beyond only the people in your comfort zone.

Because while your steady and your comfort zone can start as the same thing, be aware when they stay the same thing. In my most difficult seasons (and my entire life), I have been tremendously blessed to have deeply loving, strong, healing family bonds that allowed me to anchor in family and home as my safe space. It’s a beautiful, incredibly supportive soft place to land that I’ve always been deeply grateful for. But there’s a moment (and you’ll know it when it comes) when the safe place starts to become a staying place. When the soft-landing space for steadiness, becomes a comfort zone you stay still in too long and may inadvertently add weight to. And in so doing, delay your forward movement and growth and perhaps of those you love as well. And while that’s okay for a season or seasons, you’re not meant to stay still forever but to find ways to keep moving.

And finding your steady is that work. It’s the work of discovering or creating the ways that keep you stable and moving forward. It’s not necessarily about what keeps you still and in place, but what gives you the steadiness and resilience to keep going and not get stuck in any circumstance. It requires building an inventory before you need it, of the things that keep you in motion without taking you away from yourself. Because the next moment of difficulty, challenge or loss is an inevitability. Such is life. And when it does, you want to be able to reach for something that restores you and brings you back, not something that keeps you away from your life and the people who love you and need you.

Finding Steadiness Practice

→ In times of volatility, turmoil, massive change — what keeps you steady? Where do you find the ground beneath your feet? Sometimes for me, it’s the most delicate, meditative, creative things: nature, music, poetry, art.

→ In times of grief and loss — what keeps you steady? Where do you find the will to continue? Sometimes for me, it’s connection and community. Sharing my experience with my loved ones and others in my experience helps me find the will again.

→ In times of great growth, transition and evolution — what keeps you steady? What keeps you going as you transform from who you were to who you’re becoming and enter into the unknown? Sometimes for me, it’s just remembering that the process of growth is a process of learning, alignment and coherence. Change is inevitable. The transitions may be difficult, but they show me more of myself than I ever imagined possible. And I get a greater sense of who I am at each transition point — that keeps me going.

→ In times of great joy and happiness — what keeps you steady? What keeps you present enough to receive it fully? For me, it’s learning to receive and give in equal measure. It’s the simple joy of existing, being present and feeling alive each day. The ability to receive life fully and openly, to express myself completely and authentically, and just to be wholly present to those I love and all that life is. That is a special kind of well-earned steady I’ve built for myself.

→ Now your turn. Remember, you don’t have to be steady everywhere. Find the places, parts and spaces where you already find steadiness and start there.

Where do you find your steady today and these days?

If this resonates, feel free to chat or share on substack or go deeper on your own.

To finding our steady. 🤍~ C