Trust Your Gear (Substack Writings)

This memory came back to me recently, and I think I finally understand why.

Trust Your Gear

The air was so thick with non-lethal chemical agent that I could barely see who was in front of me through the foggy lenses of my protective mask. And I started to feel a kind of rising panic as I immediately smelled this faint chemical scent which instantly made my throat itch and my skin tingle. Anticipating the chemical agent had infiltrated my chemical suit and protective mask and I was about to feel the full effect of the gas, I panicked even more. And I wasn’t the only one. I could feel my basic training peers having the same reaction, beginning to panic, starting to shuffle chaotically and push the line towards the exit door until our instructor stopped us all and I heard him bellow:

“Trust Your Gear! Trust Your Gear!”

Forced to stay in line, standing in the heavy gaseous-filled room, he kept yelling:

“TRUST YOUR GEAR!”

And so, we had no choice but to try to trust the equipment we had been carefully tending to for weeks — learning it, maintaining it, hoping it would do its job one day and it did. That day, my gear did its job and kept me safe, protecting me from what could’ve caused me major problems.

It’s not often that I share memories from the military, but this one came back to me recently and I think I know why.

Trust Yourself — You’ve Done the Work

As I reinvent, rebuild, start again and prepare for a new chapter, this story has come to the surface for me again. Probably because as I prepare for this new chapter and it feels unknown, mysterious, and unclear, there’s some fear baked in there too.

I’m so used to being clear about my path and have been since I was a young one. But as I look back at that kind of clarity, that was the young clarity of saying yes to adventure, knowing it was meant to be a test, a challenge, a chapter that would help me become more of myself. And it did.

This time, I’m not as clear as I was back then. I have no idea how this new chapter will unfold and that’s actually kind of exciting. In its own way, it’s kind of refreshing to feel uncertain but willing to go anyway.

Because I have something now I didn’t have then: experience, growth, wisdom, the support of loved ones I keep closer, a new foundation, new capacity, and a deeper trust in myself.

I am the Gear

And I realize something important: I am the gear.

I am the equipment I’ve been tending to for years — learning, maintaining, improving, healing, loving. And I can trust the work and nurturing I’ve done. I can trust who I am and my ability to thrive in this new chapter and beyond.

If you’re here too, trust your gear, trust YOU.

We’re not always going to be clear about the path ahead. That’s ok. The goal is to move forward anyway with what we do know now.

The journey is the point. The lessons learned along the way are the point. Bringing our people with us is the point. And the direction is the one we feel within us — through our intuition, gut, instincts, our inner compass.

We’ve done the work. We’ve built the foundation. Now we get to trust it and move forward.

Trust your gear. We’ve got this.

To new beginnings. 🤍 ~ C