Finding Your Voice Again (Substack Writings)

Sometimes we’ll have cycles and seasons where we just can’t express the words within us. If that’s you now, here I reflect on how wounding impacts our voice and how we can start to get it back again.

Sometimes You Can’t Find the Words

I’m reminded today that words aren’t the only way to express yourself. Sometimes we truly can’t find the words, and we need to rely on another expression. And that’s perfectly okay. It happens.

There was a time when no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find a way to release the words I wanted so desperately to say. I could express anger easily (I will write about why later), too easily, but other feelings were too difficult to share. Oh how I struggled to express even the simplest heartfelt truths to my myself and my loved ones: I love you, I appreciate you, I’m sorry, I’m excited you’re here, I’m grateful for you. The profound disappointment I felt at my own inability to express these things cut deep and caused me much heartache. But this forced me to confront the issue head-on and go deeper into why this was. Because I wasn’t always this way — what happened? Much soul-searching eventually brought me to understand that it was deep wounding that caused this, which I often write about.

The Wounds take our Words

Sometimes we’re unaware of how deeply our hurts and wounds affect us. We may think we’re experiencing a typical broken heart, and that like all broken hearts, it will mend in time — unaware that maybe the break was bigger than expected. So deep, in fact, that while the scar started in the heart, it found its way to our voice, our mind, and our body, impacting how we show up in the world. And that’s where I found myself: carrying wounds so profound they disconnected me not only from my heartspace, but from my voice and my own truths — impacting the way I could show up for myself, and for those who needed me most. That was one of my first awakenings toward the healing process.

Opening the door to full expression again, some tips

So if you’re here as I was, here are some things I did which helped me open the door to full expression again, and I hope they can help you too — at least get you started. I know some of these are tried-and-true practices, but they’re always worth sharing and trying again:

Expression through Music (or whatever creative form calls you). I’ve written before about my love affair with music. Music is like air to me — I’m drawn to every part of it: sound, note, composition, lyric, instrumentation. It has a language of its own. So when I was deeply troubled by my inability to communicate, I turned to music and began composing like a poet. Every new composition was expressing something I felt. I may not have been able to put those feelings into words for others yet, and some of those compositions are still gathering dust in my digital storage, but I was expressing myself — and that was the first step toward opening the door to healing.

Talking Out Loud. I found that my inability to express myself was linked to a disconnect between the thoughts that came through, what I felt, and what I was able to say out loud. My mind was often too jumbled to make sense of it all. So I started simply talking out loud to myself — naming what I was feeling (I feel angry right now. I feel sad. I feel numb.), what I was thinking (I’m seeing how this caused that. I’d love to see this in my future — why don’t I…?), and what I felt in my body (My chest feels tight. My throat feels tight and constricted when I try to express my emotions). It seemed like fundamental work, but it was really retraining my parts to communicate with each other, and then to put that communication into a story in a low-pressure scenario — just me, talking to myself. It became one of the most helpful practices in my healing, even if it caused a few loved ones to look at me strangely. Worth it. There’s no pressure when you talk out loud to yourself. It’s a great practice.

Writing Letters or Drawing by Hand. I know writing by hand is difficult for many of us in this era of quick technology and convenience, but when you write something by hand, you connect parts of your brain and body that don’t get the same attention when you’re typing. When I write by hand, I’m also visualizing — I tend to write and sketch at the same time, so my notes have both words and drawings. That’s helpful for reconnecting with your expressive parts. So is writing letters. When I wanted to express myself to someone and couldn’t find the words to say out loud, I’d write them a letter — even if I never sent it. The intention was simply to practice putting my feelings down and to honor my own self-expression. Even unsent, the act gave my feelings somewhere to go, rather than staying bottled up, repressed, or suppressed inside the body.

Honoring Your Self-Expression

We are meant to honor our self-expression. It’s how we share who we are with others, how we enter relationship, how we interact with ourselves and each other. Which is why it’s so distressing when we can’t find a way to express ourselves — the feeling of what’s unsaid, of not being understood, or not being able to be known, is its own kind of loneliness.

If you’re here now, just know this: the words will come back. You will find your voice again. Mine did. It just takes practice so start with the small things: a song, a composition, or something you created, words you speak out loud, a letter you wrote. It doesn’t have to be perfect or big. It just has to be you and yours. 🤍 ~ C

(I go deeper into my own healing process in the Healing Journey Ep. 2 of my podcast series on Building Unshakeable Self-Worth, if you’d like to hear more.)

If you’re in this stage, here’s a question to ponder: How are you honoring your expression at this time? What practices are working for you? Share in the comments or on Substack!